“But We’re Not All Bad!” Is the Wrong Answer

25 05 2011

This might be my most favourite derailing tactic (and by favourite, I mean most facepalm-y) of all time. The old “we aren’t all like that!” trope, guaranteed to derail a discussion in 140 characters or less. If you are privileged enough to have never experienced this (if you haven’t already done it yourself) I’ll give you an example. Adjust the situation for the oppressed/oppressor relationship of your choosing:

Trans woman: Wow, I really wish cis LGB people would quit directly playing a direct hand in my erasure, denial of services/basic humanity and the often fatal harm of me and women like me. That would be great if all that would stop.
Cis LGB person: HEY WE AREN’T ALL THAT BAD/IT’S JUST A COUPLE OF ASSHOLES DOING THAT/YOU HAVEN’T MET EVERY CIS GAY PERSON EVER SO HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

And on, and on, and on, and on, and on it goes. More derails follow, the discussion goes to shit and the oppressor often ends up getting consoled instead of the marginalized person being attacked (also known as white women’s tears) and the attempt for a meaningful discussion or call-out is abandoned at that time. All of this because of a six word sentence that has no validity in any of these discussions whatsoever.

Far too many discussions that need to happen do not, because there is always at least one privileged champ who comes in and fucks everything up with this tactic. It is not the way that one in a position of privilege should be reacting when a marginalized person speaks their truths. When a person of colour is talking about their frustrations with harmful things white people tend to do, the correct response isn’t “I don’t do that!/We aren’t all that bad!” The reaction of a person who is truly socially conscious should be to listen and learn. Only after listening and learning (not demanding someone be your Mystical Minority Teacher(TNM)) can you begin to maybe do something about this problem. Not throw a temper tantrum about how all white people aren’t in the Klan, but ask yourself “What can I do to reject my privilege, help end the systemic and oppressive problem the group I belong to has a history of doing, and how can I work to uplift marginalized people?”

The one in the role of the oppressor has no business to “prove” that their group is “not all bad” to a marginalized person. The fact of the matter is, these problems that are spoken of are systemic within the entire communities of privilege. It is not something that occurs only in fringe/extremist/super duper hateful circles within those communities of privilege, it is everywhere within the community. The goal should not be to to prove to any marginalized person that you aren’t all bad (attempting to deny the lived experiences of any marginalized person is fucked up in and of itself.) The goal needs to be to end the systemic oppression of marginalized people that requires these discussions happen in the first place.





Voting and Privilege

26 10 2010

Voting is largely inaccessible. Trans women and men, people with disabilities, people of colour, people living in poverty and people living in rural areas often are unable to vote because of the myriad barriers blocking access. This is a reason why there is so often low turnout among these groups (among other factors). This post, however, is not directed at people who are blocked from voting.

This post is for everyone who can vote.

If you have the privilege of access to voting, it is absolutely imperative that you vote consciously next Tuesday. It is important to research the positions that your candidates hold. Study voting records, speeches, debates, endorsements, whatever you can get your hands on and educate yourself before voting. It’s also necessary to recognise what great privilege you have with your access to voting. This is something that cannot be taken lightly and must be carefully thought about before exercising.

And what do you need to do after you’ve recognised your privilege of voting access? You can either use your privilege to uplift the people you oppress or you can ignore it and continue to harm (directly or indirectly) the most vulnerable people in our country. You can choose to vote for the candidates that are endorsed by marginalized people, candidates that truly seek to uplift oppressed people and make this country a better place for all of us. Or, you can choose to vote in your best interests. For tax cuts that will harm the poorest in our nation, hateful candidates who seek to exterminate trans women and men, candidates who are pro-corporations, candidates that, if elected, will “send a message to the Obama administration,” candidates who want to continue to harm the most vulnarable.

Or you can choose to sit at home on election day, throw your privilege around in the faces of those of us who don’t have voting access and tell us that voting doesn’t matter anyway, man.

I’m going to vote consciously next Tuesday. Will you?





My Beef With Self-Declared Allies

24 08 2010

If you have declared yourself an ally, you are not going to like this post.

Many blogs and twitterfeeds that claim to be about social justice like to put the word “ally” somewhere in their bio/about section. Trans ally, LGBT ally, POC ally, PWD ally, etc. This is supposed to signify that the writer is *really* about social justice and is *really* about helping the marginalised group of people in whatever way they can, right? RIGHT?!

Not so much.

Instead, what this usually means is the writer is badly in need of some hipster activist points and among PWP (progressives with privilege) this is an easy way to get them. Many of these “allies” who feel the need to tout their ally-ness are more interested in how they look as a PWP and yelling about what a good person they really are than in uplifting any marginalized group. This is best seen during any argument an “ally” gets into with a person of a marginalized group.

Ally: [does something incredibly privileged without realising it]
Marginalized Person: “Hey, try checking your privilege because that thing you said/linked to/endorsed was harmful.”
A: “Check my privilege? What do you mean privilege? I’M AN ALLY.”
M: “Be that as it may, you still have a fuckload of privilege and you are currently using that privilege to silence me. Stop it.”
A: “NU UH I’M AN ALLY. YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL I’M HERE. YOU ARE SO WRONG AND NOT MAKING ME FEEL SAFE AS AN ALLY. STOP BEING SO MEAN TO ME!”
M: “You are still doing it, and now you’re derailing the conversation. Stop it.”
A: “WHATEVER YOU’RE JUST ANGRY AND DON’T APPRECIATE ME BEING AN ALLY.”

The “ally” will typically then rattle off reasons why they’re such a good ally, or why there’s no way they could have done something privileged. The person the ally claims to be helping will suffer, and the ally will continue to do harm under the guise of “being a good ally.”

If you truly want to uplift people you oppress and use your privilege for good, you do not need to tell everyone that you are a Super Ally. But, if you were *really* interested in doing those things, you would already know that.





Leah’s Guide to Vacationing

11 06 2010

The season has officially been in full swing for about a week now, and as a resident of a resort town, I thought I’d give you all some tips on how to decrease your chances of getting your asses kicked by a “local.”

1) Do not expect everyone living here to serve you.
Like most people who live in resort towns year round, we are poor. There are very few jobs here to begin with, and most people work here during the summer serving other people. However, when you step out of that hotel, or out of that restaurant, do not expect people who live here to continue catering to your needs simply because you are a tourist. We live here, we do not live here specifically to serve you.

2) Do not complain about the condition of the town.
Here in Wildwood, beyond the beachfront condos and boutiques, there are abandoned stores and public housing projects. During the season, the town does it’s best to try and whitewash over all of that and divert the tourists to other areas so they aren’t frightened off by the scary locals (poor brown people). That doesn’t mean people aren’t going to see these things, and when they do, they make it a point of complaining. To everyone, regardless of whether or not they are a city official. Most people only get the chance to work during the summer, and it’s usually a minimum wage job. We can’t afford beautiful homes with lush, green lawns and white picket fences just to make you feel a little bit better while you’re here exploiting people.

3) Don’t do anything to further exercise your class privilege over us.
When you are coming to our town for vacation, leave your smug sense of superiority at home. Oh, you have a six figure job and live in an upper class PA suburb? Good for you. You aren’t “better” than us because you overpaid for a tiny vacation condo you only use a few weeks per summer (yes, we know how much you paid for it) and you don’t own us because we clean your condo, serve your food or sell your waterpark tickets.

4) Do not forget that we are human beings.
You may come to our towns to get drunk, lay on the beach, or enjoy some time with your family, but these are our homes. All we ask you to do during our stay is to respect us, and respect our homes. Don’t expect us to cater to your every whim, don’t make nasty comments about our homes and lives, and don’t think your money gives you the right to treat us like dirt.